Hatsumomo
by Billy Rose
Summary: Which do you regret more? Doing something foolish, or not even trying at all? HatsumomoSayuri femslash themes.


**Hatsumomo**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Memoirs of Geisha, or it's characters. Just borrowing them.

**Summary**: Which do you regret more - doing something foolish, or not even trying it at all?

**Warning: SPOILERS** for the end of Memoirs of a Geisha. If you haven't seen it and plan to, I suggest you stop reading. Also, there are light femslash themes in this, so if you don't like it don't read it.

**A/N: **This is what happens when I listen to the same music video for an hour straight. Lemme know if this turned out all right, or if it even makes sense. Oh, and it might be a bit different from the movie as I'm not watching it at the moment, so if things don't add up that's probably why.

* * *

"Isn't this what I wanted?" Sayuri said to herself quietly as she watched Hatsumomo walk away from the geisha house for the final time. _'She's never coming back...'_ she dully realized. The thought didn't bring about the satisfaction Sayuri had expected. Instead of feeling relieved, she felt... nothing. 

Not white hot anger at Hatsumomo for torching her home. Not that justice had been done as the former geisha was banished from her life. Sayuri just felt... hollow.

Her attention turned from her thoughts back to the present as Hatsumomo looked back at her, and Sayuri suddenly felt words trying to spring from her mouth. Words to keep Hatsumomo from leaving the mess she'd made - from leaving Sayuri.

None of the words made it past the knot in her throat, and she found herself rooted to the floor so she could not even turn away as Hatsumomo restarted her shame-filled walk.

_'Maybe that was it,'_ Sayuri decided mentally. She had never seen Hatsumomo as anything but the proud creature she was. Hatsumomo had always been confident, and strong. Now she looked so... lost.

_'Yes, that is it. That must be the reason why I feel this way... why I feel I should be trying to keep her here, with me. I don't want to remember her this way. That must be it..,'_ she repeated in her mind.

Even Sayuri couldn't fully accept her mind's explanation when her heart seemed to harden slightly in her chest as the mist finally swallowed Hatsumomo up. It took Sayuri a few minutes to turn from looking down the street, but the slight shame she felt at hoping that Hatsumomo would surprise her and return to her was a powerful motivator in leaving her thoughts for the moment.

As the years went on, Sayuri wondered more and more what had become of Hatsumomo. had she ended up like Pumpkin? A common whore for the American soldiers stationed in Japan? Had she ended up like Sayuri? Doing hard physical labor after years of the pristine lifestyle they had been accustomed to?

Sayuri would never admit it, but she desperately prayed that Hatsumomo had ended up like her. It didn't sit well with her that Hatsumomo might have degraded herself to that level.

* * *

Every now and then when Sayuri was overwhelmed with her new life with the Chairman and their children, Sayuri would find herself unwittingly slipping into fantasizing what life would be like if Hatsumomo had actually stayed. Would she have been happy? Content? Would her life hold some kind of purpose, then, had she been with Hatsumomo? 

Sayuri never got far in her fantasies, as something always got in the way, but as the years wore on she slipped into them more and more. When their children moved out she had a lot more time to think about it, which threw her into a deep depression that she had never been able to shake herself out of.

Sayuri had had one wish when she was on her deathbed, and it had never come true. The last thing out of her lips was not the Chairman's name, nor words of love to her family. Sayuri had died with a smile on her lips as she replayed her favorite fantasy over in her head, and said the one thing that truly brought her piece of mind in her last moments.

Hatsumomo. Her missed opportunity, and her greatest obsession.

_End._

**A/N:** So do you like it? Hate it? Let me know what you think.


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